5 Ways to Manage Thanksgiving Anxiety with Family

Anxiety during the holiday season is normal. After all, there are a lot of potential triggers: money, travel, busy calendars, expectations…family.

If anxiety is already putting a damper on your holiday season plans, remember that there are things you can do to manage it — like setting boundaries with family.

By getting clear on what makes you anxious and communicating your needs directly to loved ones, you can make this holiday season more enjoyable for everyone involved. Here are some tips for how to do this: 

Recognize your need for boundaries.

For many of us, family is the root of our anxiety during the holidays. This can make the holidays a minefield of potential conflict. We might have strained relationships or toxic dynamics that we're constantly walking on eggshells around. And with Thanksgiving just around the corner, you might already feel anxious just thinking about it.

But what if you could channel your anxious thoughts into more productive ones? One important first step toward minimizing Thanksgiving anxiety is to become more aware of how setting boundaries could help.

For instance, if you're dreading the thought of catching up with a gossipy relative, or you're worried about being inundated with questions about your love life or career, you can utilize boundaries to protect your energy, mood, and values. 

Get clear on what your boundaries are.

What are you comfortable with and able to withstand? What makes you feel uneasy or unnecessarily overwhelmed during times like this? Once you know your limits, it will be easier to communicate them to others. 

It's okay if you struggle to pinpoint any specific concerns. After all, when it comes to some families, it's hard to know what to expect. That said, Thanksgiving anxiety often stems from being around family members who are generally critical, unsupportive, drama-hungry, or negative. 

If this is the case for you, it may be helpful to consider setting boundaries to avoid unnecessary anxiety and stress. For example, you could plan to limit the amount of time you spend with family members who are notoriously negative or steer clear of them as much as possible to avoid getting pulled into an uncomfortable conversation or conflict.

Communicate your boundaries. 

The next step is to communicate your boundaries to your family members. This isn't always easy, especially if certain family members are known for crossing them. But it's important to be assertive and know that you always have a right to set boundaries — even with your loved ones.

Whether your needs for boundaries revolve around physical touch, time spent together, diet talk, or topics of conversation, the key is to be direct and honest about your feelings with others and yourself. 

For instance, if you have a close relationship with your family, they may want to know everything that's going on in your life. You can gently deflect these questions by saying that you're focusing on taking things one day at a time.

Or if there is a potential for arguments, it may be helpful to set some ground rules before the holiday gathering. Nothing is worse than arguing with family and ruining your holiday over opinions and things you can't change. So if you know certain topics are likely to cause conflict, let them know ahead of time that you'd prefer to avoid discussing politics or other controversial topics.

Take breaks as needed.

Whether characterized by heated arguments, nosiness, or a general sense of negative or unease, spending extended periods with family can be draining, both mentally and physically. 

Remember that no matter what, you are always free to walk away. As long as you've communicated your boundaries to your family, you've left the ball in their court. But that doesn't mean you aren't responsible for following through on what you can control if you want to minimize your anxiety.

So if you start to feel overwhelmed, respect your limits by taking a break and going for a walk, calling a friend, or just stepping away from the situation for a few minutes. It's important to take care of yourself first and foremost. Your mental health is worth it.

Seek professional help if needed. 

If you can't manage your anxiety alone, it may be time to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor, who can provide additional support and guidance during this holiday season—and throughout the year. 

Wishing you a happy (and boundary-filled) holiday season!

Remember: this post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you and your personal situation. It shall not be construed as legal, financial, or medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional advice of your own attorney, accountant, physician, or financial advisor. Always check with your own physician, attorney, financial advisor, accountant, or other business or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.