How to Manage Dating Anxiety
It's the night before your first date, and you're a ball of nerves. You can't eat, you can't sleep, and you feel like you might vomit at any moment. Sound familiar?
Most people experience some level of anxiety before a first date, but for those with dating anxiety, these feelings and symptoms can be far more intense and last longer than a first encounter. Sometimes they are enough to prevent a person from dating altogether — even if a life void of romantic fulfillment is far from what they see and want for themselves!
Whether pre-date jitters have become your pre-date ritual or you think there may be more serious underlying issues getting in your way of finding a potential partner, these tips for managing dating anxiety can help.
What can cause dating anxiety?
Broadly speaking, anxiety is your body's response to stress. When it comes to dating, there can be a lot of stressors that contribute to feeling anxious: social anxiety, fears of rejection, and emotional pain or trauma from previous relationships (to name a few).
And because first dates are often seen as make-or-break opportunities — will this person like me? will I like this person? — the pressure to make a good impression can intensify these feelings even more.
But it's important to note anxious feelings and urges to cancel plans or just plain give up, can happen at any stage in dating. They can contribute to whether we develop certain unhealthy attachment styles or whether we gain any dating experience at all.
How to manage your dating anxiety and improve your dating life
If you're ready to tackle your dating anxiety head-on, here are a few tips to get you started:
Calm your inner critic.
Do you fear being negatively perceived by others? Do you automatically blame or judge yourself when something goes wrong?
Whether you're facing self-esteem or social anxiety issues, for example, the more you judge yourself, the more likely you are to overestimate how much another is judging you, too.
We are often our own worst enemies. So for anxious daters, constantly second-guessing ourselves and looking for reasons why things won't work out is a self-fulfilling prophecy that only leads to more anxiety and self-doubt.
Instead of letting your inner critic take the wheel, try focusing on more positive and compassionate thoughts — like how you're taking a brave step forward by putting yourself out there.
Practice self-disclosure.
Dating anxiety isn't only tied to conditions like SAD, or previous negative experiences - being ghosted, rejected, or dumped - that can understandably leave a bad taste in your mouth and make it hard to want to put yourself out there again.
In some cases, shyness and introversion can lead to the same outcome; this is where self-disclosure comes into play.
Self-disclosure is sharing personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences with another person. It can help build intimacy, trust, and closeness in a relationship. For anxious daters who tend to bottle things up or clam up when meeting someone new, learning how to self-disclose can be a game-changer.
It can be scary for those with dating anxiety because it opens up the possibility of rejection. But the more you practice self-disclosure, the easier it becomes. And as you become more comfortable with sharing your thoughts and feelings, you'll likely find that dates are more enjoyable and fulfilling.
Start small by opening up about something you're comfortable sharing, like a hobby or interest, and then work your way up to more personal topics. The key is to go at your own pace and not force yourself to share anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Focus on them, not you.
One of the best ways to ease dating anxiety is to focus on your date — what they're saying, what they're doing, etc. This can be a challenge if your mind is racing with anxious thoughts, but it's important to remember that everyone feels nervous on first dates. So instead of fixating on your anxiety, try to focus on getting to know the other person and building rapport.
Set realistic expectations.
When it comes to dating, we often set our sights too high and end up disappointed when things don't go as we wanted them to.
It's important to remember that dating is a process; it can take time to find someone you click with. When setting expectations for yourself, try to be realistic and patient.
Focus on enjoying the journey and getting to know different people rather than fixating on the end goal of finding "the one."
Seek professional help.
If you're struggling to manage your dating anxiety on your own, it may be time to seek professional help. A therapist can provide you with tools and resources to make a big difference in your dating life!
If you're looking for a therapist, I'm accepting new clients in NY, FL, and NJ right now. Schedule an intro call with me here to get started!
Remember: this post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you and your personal situation. It shall not be construed as legal, financial, or medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional advice of your own attorney, accountant, physician, or financial advisor. Always check with your own physician, attorney, financial advisor, accountant, or other business or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.
